Life of a Character
by Dragonfree
Summary: Ever wondered what the characters in those bad fics feel like?
1. Chapter 1

(A/N: This is a parody of bad Pokémon fics that also includes flat-out ranting that's not exactly humourous. The first chapter should be read to have a basic understanding of the concept, but otherwise the chapters aren't very linked to each other so you should be fine skipping some if you feel like it.)

Disclaimer: I don't own Pokémon. And not bad fanfiction either, for that matter. This was inspired by several other parody fics I've read, but no, it's not a rip-off.

* * *

**Chapter 1**

**_Once upon a time, there was a girl._**

All of a sudden, she started to exist. She didn't know how or why; she just did. All around her was darkness. She herself was merely a spirit.

**_She was twelve years old._**

She felt herself grow a body; the body of a young girl. Or well, more like a black, misty shape that would vaguely remind the viewer of a young girl.

**_She had flaming red hair_**

"AHHH! IT BURNS!!!" she screamed as her hair blazed up in fire. Thankfully it died down after a second, to be replaced with normal, red hair with an unknown haircut.

**_and dazzling green eyes_**

She blinked a few times with her new eyes. At least she wouldn't appear like just as much of a freak now as she had just a minute earlier.

**_and her name was Ashley Ketchum Waterflower._**

"Oh, no, please, not that name," Ashley groaned. But this was the author's will.

**_Her parents were Ash Ketchum, 36, and Misty Waterflower, 32._**

Memories started coming to Ashley, of her father and mother. Misty had been sent into space where time passes slower, which was why Ash was now four years older than her while he had been two years younger when they were kids.

**_It was now her birthday and she was really excited because she would now be getting her first Pokémon._**

Ashley felt an unexplainable feeling of excitement. She'd be getting a Pokémon! From the memories she had just earned, she had looked forward to this day for her whole life.

**_Her father took her to his lab_**

She found herself in a very dark place. It was some kind of a laboratory, but everything was shrouded in shadow so that the details were impossible to make out. She saw her father, or at least what she assumed was him since it was so dark, standing near her. The place was way too depressing for the unnatural, jumpy feeling in her stomach.

**_and handed her a Pokéball._**

Ash, or at least his shadow, gave her a small sphere. She couldn't see it in the dark, so she just took it.

**_"This is Articuno," he said. "Use it wisely."_**

Ashley gave him a strange look. "Dad," she said unsurely, "isn't Articuno a Legendary Pokémon?"

"Of course it is," he replied. "But what wouldn't I do for my lovely little Mary-Sue of a daughter?"

She shrugged.

**_"Thanks, Dad," Ashley said and went out of the lab._**

She felt a bit guilty about leaving her parents without even saying goodbye, but again, it was the author's will. There was nothing at all outside except black. Then she felt herself fade away.

-------

She reappeared in some kind of a room. Unlike the darkish surroundings she had been in earlier, this one was filled with light and warmth. It was rather plain – just white walls, white floor and white ceiling with a fire burning merrily in a fireplace at the end – but to her delight, she found a crowd of girls there.

Some of them looked fine, but unfortunately a lot of them were just shadows like her. Many weren't even lucky enough to have hair or eyes at all.

"Hey, you new?" came a girl from behind her. She looked about fourteen years old and wore a yellow T-shirt with a Pokéball on the front and black pants.

"Yeah," said Ashley thankfully. "What place is this?"

"It's the Pokémon Fanfiction Character Camp," the girl explained swiping a strand of her dark blue hair out of her bright green eyes. "The girls' house, to be exact. My name is Abby."

"I'm Ashley," she replied, blushing.

"Uh huh," said Abby, raising her eyebrows. "Ash and Misty's daughter, I assume?"

"Yeah," Ashley sighed.

"Now…" Abby ran her eyes around Ashley's shadowed body, "I can tell from a mile away that your author is bad, but just how bad? How long was your first chapter?"

"Well," Ashley muttered, "ten sentences, including the 'Chapter 1' at the top."

Abby shook her head. "Really bad," she said.

"I envy you, you're at least described properly," Ashley said miserably. "How long have you been here?"

"Actually…" Abby leant closer to Ashley and whispered, "I'm not technically even here yet."

"What do you mean?" asked Ashley, confused.

"Well, you see, I'm still in my first chapter. My author is writing a fic about us right now."

"Really?" Ashley asked, her eyes wide. "You mean we have the same author?"

"Well, see… _your_ author is a character of mine's, if you get what I mean."

Ashley shrugged. She didn't exactly get it, but she felt that Abby would never be able to fully explain it to her.

"Anyway," Abby changed the subject, "that's how I know all this stuff about this place. My author made me know it." She winked. "If you're wondering about something, just ask."

"All right…" Ashley thought for a second. "What will happen tomorrow?"

"Your second chapter will be written," said Abby. "In your author's world, many days may pass, or even just hours, but here it's always one day. When you wake up tomorrow, you'll be in your fic."

"Oh man," Ashley groaned. Abby giggled.

"Well, I assure you that you're not the worst one off here. Tonight you'll get to hear some stories, and by the time you get to bed, you're going to feel very, very thankful for your author."

Ashley had the feeling that she had been born into a world of pain.


	2. Chapter 2

**WARNING: My main victims in this chapter are NC-17 rated. While the chapter itself does not technically contain anything nastier than maybe PG-13, it is disturbing. Read at your own risk!**

**Chapter 2**

In the evening, all the girls sat down on the floor of the big room. Upstairs there were dormitories and bathrooms, as well as the kitchen, but in this room they could sit and chat about their authors and fics.

Now the lights were out, and they were just sitting cosily in groups by the fireplace. The new girls sat together in a circle.

"Meet Ashley Ketchum Waterflower," Ashley said dully, "who got an Articuno for a starter in a ten-sentence-long chapter one."

Another, very pretty girl started sulkily: "Ash is in love with me, I'm the youngest Champion of the century and I have caught all the legendaries – all of which was way too unimportant to actually put it in the fic, so it was rather just briefly mentioned at the beginning."

The others shook their heads.

"My Pokémon battle by screaming their names at each other," moaned a shadow.

"My lines are horribly cheesy," a girl who looked exactly like the female player on FireRed and LeafGreen sighed.

"I'm a Mary-Sue!"

"My author has a horrible taste in clothes!"

"My author spent half of the chapter making me cut myself with a pocket knife!"

"I'm a cardboard cut-out!"

"She made me fall in love with that cocky main character!"

"My personality is so exaggerated!"

After a few more of those shouts, most of the girls seemed to have finished complaining. They looked around for somebody who had yet to tell her story.

"Well, my author was amazingly inspired today, and started writing a fic about this place," Abby explained. "So she wrote about me and Ashley meeting in the first chapter."

All the girls turned to the last one, who, according to Abby, was named Clare. She was a blonde with big blue eyes, an unnatural haircut, dressed in sexy clothes and looked disgustingly perfect in every other aspect. It seemed almost out of character that she had been sitting there quiet, looking down, during the whole conversation. She was now the only one who hadn't told about her first chapter yet.

"How was your chapter?" asked Ashley cautiously.

"Well…" Clare said miserably, still looking down. "It didn't start out so bad; it was decently written and I went to Professor Oak's lab and got a Bulbasaur, but then I started off and…" She finished it in a whisper that nobody could hear.

"Sorry?" a brown-haired, sixteen-year-old girl named Mary inquired. "We didn't get the last part."

"I…" Again Clare found herself unable to finish the sentence loud enough for anybody to hear.

"Come on, just say it!" another girl urged her.

"Fine, I got RAPED!" Clare yelled, tears of anger running down her cheeks. Several of the girls nearby gasped in horror, including Ashley. Abby just looked down.

"By who?" asked a sixteen-year-old girl from another group that was slightly apart from the others.

"My Bulbasaur," Clare sobbed. "And some wild Pokémon that came afterwards…"

"And your age is what?" the sixteen-year-old questioned.

"Thirteen," said Clare shakily.

"Do you think your author has plans for more nasty stuff?"

"Y-yes," Clare whispered. "The… the Author's Note..."

The other girl sighed heavily. "Well, tomorrow you can join us here, and we'll give you all the assistance that we can. Hopefully, you'll get used to it sooner or later, but I'm afraid there's no escaping your fic."

"They're the rapefic characters," Abby whispered to Ashley. "Poor girls, made to be abused, and sometimes even forced to like it."

"That's horrible," Ashley muttered. "Why are they so apart from the rest of us?"

Abby shook her head sadly. "Because they know what you're thinking. They know that they make the rest of us feel guilty. It's to keep us sane."

Ashley sighed. "Is Clare going to be joining them tomorrow?"

"Yeah," said Abby quietly. "But they're probably the closest of all the characters here. She's going to be better off with them than with us."

"Maybe," Ashley said. "But still… isn't that _horrible_?" She cringed, glancing at Clare. She had now curled up on the floor and seemed to be crying.

"Of course it is," Abby said sympathetically. "But some authors just love to torture their characters." She paused. "I trust you haven't read Agony in Pink?"

"No," said Ashley. "I just started to exist today, you know."

"Thought not." Abby shrugged. "Lucky you."

"What is it?" asked Ashley curiously. Abby turned towards her.

"It's character torture of the worst sort. I believe she's still in a mental hospital, crying hysterically all day, moaning and screaming. I personally have no idea who would _want_ to read that stuff, anyway..."

Ashley sat, stunned, and prayed that her author had never heard of Agony in Pink or at the very least had no intentions of imitating it.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Ashley found herself awake after a night of unpleasant dreams about "Agony in Ashley". She heard the voice of the narration in her head, even though she wasn't actually transported to the set.

**_To reviewers:_**

"Oh no," she whimpered.

**_--Sorry, but this wasn't very good. It was way too short to be a proper chapter and that name just irks me. And why did she leave without even saying goodbye? Your spelling and grammar are good, though._**

"Listen to that person, listen to that person…" Ashley prayed.

**_Well, this is my fic and if I want to have my chapters short, they will be short. And I had to go away from my computer so I couldn't write more. There is nothing wrong with her name, I think it's beautiful. And she said goodbye, I just didn't write it!!_**

Ashley sighed. "Shouldn't have gotten my hopes up."

**_--THE BEST STORY EVA!!!!! CONTINUE!!!_**

Ashley banged her head against the wall.

**_Thanks! Your story is really good too!_**

"Why do I doubt it is?" Ashley groaned.

**_--You call this a fic? It sucks! Everything sucks about it! You suck!_**

Ashley heartily agreed with this person, although the review itself technically sucked too.

**_YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO SAY I SUCK! GO AWAY!_**

Ashley sighed again.

**_--Canon rape if I ever saw one. First off, Misty is older than Ash. "Ashley Ketchum Waterflower" is the worst name ever invented. Secondly, Ash is OOC; "Use it wisely" sounds nothing like Ash. I highly doubt he'd even become a professor. Ashley is flatter than a sheet of paper and a blatant Mary-Sue. She received a freaking ARTICUNO for a starter, with absolutely no explanation on how Ash got it. I don't know how you managed to get that much wrong in such a miniscule chapter, but you did. Congratulations._**

Ashley bit her lip. It was a lovely, constructive review, but unfortunately she knew what was coming…

**_Stop flaming me!!! I'm just ten, I mean, what is your problem? Instead of being nice, you start flaming me with stupid nitpicky comments!_**

Ashley took a deep breath.

**_--This is a very good fic, a little short, but otherwise there's nothing wrong._**

"NOTHING WRONG?" Ashley screamed. "OF COURSE THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG!"

**_Thanks, I hope you read more!_**

Ashley saw the strategy behind the author's comments: she told the ones who criticized her to go away, and the ones who liked the fic to read more.

**_--This is way too fast-paced. You could have made a much longer chapter with the same happenings. If you described things more, you could have made the chapter much longer, and you shouldn't just say that Ash is her father and Misty is her mother; you can include it in the story. Otherwise it was pretty good._**

"This is so not flaming," Ashley muttered. "Don't try to tell me this is flaming."

**_Thanks! I'll try to make the next chapter longer._**

"Er… didn't you just say that you decided how long your chapters would be?" Ashley pointed out. The Author, naturally, didn't hear her, and Ashley found herself absorbed into the darkness of the chapter.

-------

**_Ashley headed out to Route 1! It was very grassy and Ashley loved smelling the flowers._**

The darkness around her slowly lifted to reveal a grassy field. Trees and flowers grew all around it, and Ashley felt a weird urge to start smelling all the flowers for some reason. Somehow she loved doing it, even though the flowers didn't actually have any scent to smell.

**_Then there came a mean guy called Dave._**

All of a sudden, a shadow was standing in front of her. The name "DAVE" read in big letters across his face. Ashley immediately felt that she didn't like him at all.

**_Dave: Hey, you're a girl! I'll beat you in a Pokémon fight any day!!!_**

"Er… why are you speaking in script format?" asked Ashley, confused. "And why are you sexist?"

"Cuz I'm TEH MEANIE!!!!" answered Dave meanly. Ashley realized to her horror that this must be her evil rival who abused exclamation marks. She edged away in an attempt to get around him.

**_Ashley: You're so immature, grow up._**

Ashley groaned and muttered a swear word. Why did she have to go back at him? And in script format?

**_Dave: Haha, let's have a Pokémon battle about it!_**

"A Pokémon battle about whether you're immature?" asked Ashley puzzled. "How is that supposed to work?"

"Shut up, I'm just TEH MEANIE!!!!" Dave snorted.

**_Ashley: I'll kick your ! Go Articuno!_**

An absolutely formless shadow appeared in front of her. It did have "ARTICUNO" written across it, though, allowing Ashley to know what it was. She couldn't help thinking that Articuno was horribly ugly like that; it was such a shame, considering that Articuno was supposed to be a beautiful Pokémon.

**_Dave: Go Charmander!_**

Another shadow appeared in front of Dave, this one with "CHARMANDER" written on it.

**_Ashley: Articuno, use Ice Beam!_**

"Why do I have to obey you?" Articuno snorted. "I'm a Legendary. You're a Mary-Sue."

**_Charmander fainted!_**

The shadow called Charmander randomly dropped down to the ground. Articuno hadn't actually hit him with anything, but he probably just fainted from the pressure or something.

**_Dave: Puny Charmander! You're weak, you couldn't even defeat a girl! And I hate weak Pokémon!_**

"Because I'm TEH MEANIE!!!!" Dave added.

**_Dave left his Charmander with Ashley and it was raining, so Ashley took the Charmander. Because she saved him, he decided to come with her! Now Ashley had a new Pokémon!_**

Ashley felt herself disappear to the Fanfiction Character Camp again. She was relieved that the chapter was over.


End file.
